So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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