Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
