At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
