I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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