I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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