I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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