im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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