What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Who did Billy Mays play for?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
