Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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