I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
