I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize