genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
