she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
