They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
