Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
