We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
