I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
