Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
