You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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