i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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