I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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