I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
