I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
