Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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