I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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