I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize