covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
