I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i have herpe
just one?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
