HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
