I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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