My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
