there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
