woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
