i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
