dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
