I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
