I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
