I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
