i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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