Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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