I smell stomach acid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I want a musical about memes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
