Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
