the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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