tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize