so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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