maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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