My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
