he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
