your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
