What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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