I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
