Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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