Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just invented taco cereal.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
