His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
