so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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