Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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