dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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