I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
