I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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