i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
