she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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