finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
