He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he was CRYING into my vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
