Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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