K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize