i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Mom said you looked used
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
