The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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