Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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