This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
