At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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