i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
