Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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