Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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