I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
