if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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